Howdy,
It's been a super long while since I've posted a blog! My, oh my, has the time flown by...as quick as a beaver doing cartwheels I usually never say!
So, you know that feeling you get when things don't really go the way you plan and it takes a couple of days to coup with what God has in store for you? Well, I felt that just last week so its still fresh in my mind! I had this huge plan for the Christmas break that I sort of ignored what God wanted for me during this time. Instead of taking a class and getting it over with by next semester, God really wants me to rest and take it easy. I had no idea why or what good it would do. That is, until I took a step back to analyze my situation. I had gone through the semester just completely stressed about many things and it had devoured me. Certainly, a class that meets every day for about 4 hours is not the best break ever. Of course, I did what any person who thought he was right would do: I quarreled with my Dad. Obviously, He has more wisdom and knows what is the best path for me so I gave up as soon as I challenged Him.
At first, I was fighting to keep myself from fleshly desires and picking fights with my family about certain things, but now I actually just focus on my Beloved and things just fall into place. Petty arguments aren't touched, frustration is history and any bitterness seems to have left me. I actually feel the way I'm supposed to feel:free. I had this awesome picture when I arrived home on Monday. I was following Christ with my cross. Obviously, carrying a cross would severely slow me down, but what amazed me was that every morning, I would put it into the ground and actually crucify myself and my spirit would come out and run towards Him. That really wrecked me because I felt that it was a declaration to myself: I CAN die to my flesh every morning and live in the Spirit! Thrilled about this during quiet time yesterday outside my house on my hammock, I ended up walking around my house declaring it a home free from any evil spirits and welcoming the Holy Spirit to dwell within it! I can actually say that it feels good to be at home resting. My mom may not agree too much with me not getting a job, I don't really agree with it either, but I'm finding different ways to bless my family and actually feel like I want to be here. I still wish that fellow antiochers were nearby so I can stop by for a visit, but its ok. I think I can manage with just Daddy. =)
Later days,
Pabs
