*Sigh* Amazing

I was looking for pictures that would just display God's wonders and this is by far the best one I have found...I absolutely love seeking God.

Under the Shadow of His Wing

I've been wanting to write a blog for awhile now...but I just can't seem to write anything...nothing seems to come to mind...and the things that do come to mind are all gathered into a web of thoughts. I just can't seem to access one thought without having the others fall and overwhelm me. I guess I'm feeling a little discouraged right now. It seems so weird too because just this past weekend, I felt so encouraged...now its just...bleh. It's been like that all last week too...just a huge roller coaster of these little clouds of thoughts going up and down in my life.

I have been asking the Lord about gifts and such...what He has for me...I guess that has been encouraging me the most: knowing that God will fulfill His promises; He is faithful till the end. One gift I really love is creativeness. I just love art, dance, singing, theater, skits, spoken words and everything that falls into that category. I was so deep into worshiping God whenever I was practicing for the spoken word this past Sunday. It felt so great and marvelous to just worship God in such a powerful way. Of course, what God has made to give Him praise, the enemy will always try to pervert it. Any time I stage some type of performance, I always get worked up and become such a perfectionist that I will pretty much give myself so much disgust if I can't do something right. I could just hear satan just whisper in my ear, "You're not good enough to worship Him. Give up! You can't even memorize it. You can't do anything. You don't matter! You're worthless!" Thankfully, I combated his lies with Truth! I can worship the Almighty God through Him who sanctifies me and makes me holy! I do matter to Him! I am worth something!

Right now, I guess I can say I'm in a place where I just don't know what I want; a place of confusion and frustration. I really don't like being in that place because it justs brings more discouragement.

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Well, I guess I do know what I want. I want the Almighty God to comfort me, to satisfy me, to hold me, to touch my heart, to touch my mind, to make me whole, to sanctify me, to give me pleasure, to romance me, to rescue me, to dazzle me, to astound me, to revive me, to heal me, to reestablish my mind, to strike me with awe, to amaze me, to tickle me, to wrestle me, to play with me, to dine with me, to sleep with me, to share with me, to put His arm around me, to show me His face, to shower me with His presence, to take this burden off me, to pick me up, to throw me across the universe, to help me fly, to overcome, to mourn with me, to cry with me, to be passionate with me, to tear down walls, to break chains, to walk with me, to dance with me, to study with me, to hang out with me, to chill with me, to be in class with me, to read with me, to sing with me, to draw with me, to paint with me, to act with me, to smile with me, to be happy with me, to laugh with me, to fill me with His Spirit, to dream with me, to live with me, to reminisce with me, to love me, to Love me, To Love Me, TO LOVE ME!!! I WANT THE GREAT I AM TO LOVE ME DEARLY, LIKE NO ONE'S BUSINESS!!! THE CREATOR OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE, THE EARTH, THE PLANTS, THE ANIMALS, THE FUNGI, THE BACTERIA, THE VIRUSES, THE PROTISTS, THE AIR, THE STARS...WANTS TO KNOW THE NUMBER OF HAIRS ON MY HEAD?! THE BALLIN-EST INFINITE BEING WANTS TO SPEND ETERNITY WITH ME?!?!?! ITS SO RIDICULOUS!!! I CAN'T EVEN FATHOM HIS LOVE FOR ME!!!! NOT ITS HEIGHT, WIDTH, LENGTH OR DEPTH!!!! HE IS SO AMAZING THAT HE IS NOT AFFECTED BY TIME OR SPACE!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA HE LAUGHS!!!!! HE ABSOLUTELY LOVES LAUGHING I CAN IMAGINE!!!! GOD TAKE ME TO YOUR DWELLING PLACE AND LET ME JUST DANCE IN YOUR PRESENCE!!!!! I LOVE YOU DADDY!!!

So I guess you can say that God met me just now. Hahaha Love it!! Well I'm gonna go delight in the Lord right now! No one can satisfy me like El Elyon Na Adonai and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Pabs

Petey Pabs Picked a Peck of Pickled Posts

Alright so this is my 31st blog and I wanted to do something special! It's actually not that special but whatevs. This blog has a small portion of each of my past blogs that I thought was very encouraging in my life at the moment. So pretty much, each "blog" is separated by a space and so forth. Enjoy my life this past semester, I know I did hahaha!

Sometimes, you just have to push through the rain of uncertainty so that you may find the calm in the storm.

I've found a wonderful and loving community that is all for God and I actually feel as if I'm a part of it. I've always felt apart of God's kingdom, but not like this. These "LifeGroupers" probably have no idea of what they have done in my life. Well, what God has done in my life through their determined way of life by just loving people.

We each have our individual strengths and weaknesses and God understands that. That is why He puts us in a place in which He knows we will be able to truly show our strengths while be helped by others for our weaknesses.

Imagine for a quick second living with the one person who loved you unconditionally throughout all areas of your life. Now imagine living with Him for all eternity! No longer will you feel loneliness, depression, emptiness, sorrow, pain, hunger, thirst, anger, guilt or anything that would debilitate us in any shape or form!

Although I've had my little hardships and disappointing times, I know God will prevail over my life and take over!

In moments of weakness, God can and will give you the strength you need. Satan, however, will stop at nothing to tell you that you're weak, nothing, insignificant, worthless and constantly remind you of your insecurity; all of which acts like a recorded tape of anguish. God, however, will use those weaknesses to bring forth power and eventually destroy that tape of anguish and install a recording of love!

Just give me insight of what you want me to do! I want to live by your terms, not mine! Give me the fruit of the Holy Spirit so that I may shine for you! You are a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path! I love you Dad! Thank you for your unfailing Love! Let your love just spread into my life and control every aspect of my being! You're soo great God! I can't sing enough of your praises, but I will sing them!

On the other hand, if you build your house away from sand and you first dig a very deep hole and fill it with cement, then the house would have a better chance to stand up against even the mightiest storms. Jesus is that slab of concrete! He provides us with a sturdy foundation that can never be torn down no matter what kind of pressures may come our way. The thing that we need to realize is...the slab will prevent your house from falling, but the storm is going to keep on coming. Jesus has promised us not that all pain would end, but that He will be there to comfort us whenever we need comforting.

We started talking about how God has seasons for us. A season for us to bear fruit and a season where we grow roots. It was really encouraging to hear that because it just confirmed me that God knows what is best for not only ourselves, but for His Kingdom!
I saw that people were lining up at the ticket booth so that they could exchange their money for the tickets and enjoy the amusement park. The thing is, the people weren't exchanging regular money for the tickets, they were exchanging diamonds, rubies, gold, and any other precious stone or metal that you could think of. I could also see that the workers had a dark sense to them. I check my pockets and reach in to grab hold of the same currency: precious stones and metals.
I believe that what it means is that, sin is like going to a carnival. You have real money, jewels, and you spend it to get fake money, tickets, and enjoy a day at the carnival which doesn't last forever; not to mention, you get sore, weary, bored, and you begin to just wander aimlessly around the park, seeing what else you can do that can bring some sort of entertainment. There are times when I feel like that: I'm wasting away going to the carnival when there's a kingdom with limitless joy and happiness just on the opposite side of the lot. I find myself spending precious amounts of time seeking sin instead of using that time to seek God or doing something that isn't of this world. I saw this verse that really caught my eye:

"Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food." -Isaiah 55:2

God is the only one that can satisfy us fully. These "rides" can only bring temporary satisfaction, if you can even call it that. I'm tired of seeing the same things at that carnival. I'm bored of the same attractions that offer prizes but are rigged to where you can never win. I'm exhausted of wandering aimlessly on the grounds just wondering what I should do there. I'm ready to go home; I'm ready to give my tickets back to satan; I'm ready to declare victory; I'm ready to go to Christ's throne and enjoy His Love which is not only effortless to receive, but also way better than any prize I can win at some trashy carnival!

We are like the dirty old sock at the garage sale that is unwanted by anyone because not only is it nasty and dirty, but also because we are a single sock, incomplete and incapable of doing what we were made to do. Jesus, however, sees us at the garage sale and instantly wants us because He knows that He can wash us squeaky-clean and complete us so that we can carry out our purpose in life! Only in Him are we complete!

While working in a biology lab last semester, we grew bean plants in light and dark conditions. The "light" beans grew normally: huge, green leafs, standing up right and about normal height. On the other hand, the "dark" beans weren't so lucky. They were very malnourished, had extremely small, white leaves, falling over and surprisingly, very long. I wondered why it was longer and did some researching. Being deprived of the biggest source of energy, the plant elongates itself using the energy it has available to try and find that source of light. Never finding one, it keeps using up the energy it has to find it because now, its a matter of life and death. If there happens to be a small crack that allows some light in, the plant immediately races towards it to receive the light's energy. Once it reaches the light, it starts making its own food and all, but its still not enough sunshine to fully sustain the organism as a whole. Therefore, the plant will die if someone doesn't open up the cabinets and let that plant bathe in the sunlight.
We are those plants. We are born into a world full of darkness and like the plant, we can't survive unless we have Jesus Christ who gives us life; a purpose to live. Using the life we were given at birth, we set out to find that which will give even more life. As we search for it, we force ourselves to grow based on our own will and power which, obviously, isn't enough to sustain us. We look for any outlet that can substitute that life-giving power of Jesus whether it be drugs, alcohol, sex and money. Spiritually, we become malnourished, hungry, ugly and hopeless if we never find Jesus. Even if we find Jesus one time in our life, if we don't seek Him even more than to just let His light shine through a small crack in our life, then its not enough to sustain us fully and we still die. The only way to truly live is to fully go into His light and let His Love come into our lives and give us LIFE!
Jesus is there to open the cabinet doors and let us bask in His awesomeness. Without a doubt, plants will go toward the light...question is: are you going to live in the light, or die in the darkness?

We never know if we are going to be able to say goodbye to loved ones. We never know if there will be time to cool off after an argument with family or friends or when will be the next time you say "I love you". This terribly troubles me. The message of Christ really is a matter of life or death. It really is reaching out to pull your friend up from falling off a cliff. It really does matter what happens after this life. I really feel convicted to be even more obedient to God. If I really love God with all my heart, then it should show.

I just can't fathom how wonderful God is. So much encouragement tonight and even some stones I can just step over now. God is great. I just pray that His will happens on earth and not ours because His will is so much greater.

There aren't any words to describe the feeling you get when you see that God is using you; when you see that you do have a purpose in life. Tonight was no coincidence that I was able to treasure hunt! God has a plan for us, don't worry about the future because He is in control and so it would be pointless to worry about something that is not in our control. Live in the moment praising God and giving Him all the glory and honor!

Isn't this just amazing! God transforms us into a new creation! We no longer have to live the same way anymore; we no longer have to feel the same way anymore; we no longer have to be depressed, angry, bitter, lonely, afraid, abandoned, fake, hateful and anything else that destroys our souls! I am a new creation in Christ Jesus!
I really feel that as a follower of Jesus Christ, I have grown wings to embrace the world in a whole new way! I am no longer the same anymore! Although spending time deep in a cocoon and being healed has been painful, the end result is so much better! My worst day as a butterfly is so much better than the best day as a caterpillar!

I have no desire in what it brings me, I just want to do it, I even go to the extent of making up an excuse as to why I should sin. I then hide that sin under the floors or whatever whenever people come into my life to see if I'm okay and to see if everything is alright. Of course, my sinful nature will lie and say everything is alright, but then as time goes by and my conviction arises, I then confess everything. It always takes a group of friends to drive out my confession and ask for prayer. Funny, the one thing I hated the most growing up is the thing that is helping me the most. I simply cannot express my gratitude for my Father, especially since He has given me a community that cares deeply for me. I can already feel my hatred for friendships dying more and more each week. It is something to work on; it will bring forth pain, but that is simply where healing begins.

Save me Jesus! Only You can get me off this road and onto the Holy Road!

All I'm saying is that if I wait for God's response, then my life would be a whole lot smoother because He knows what is going down in the immediate future and even down the road of my life.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” (Romans 12:12)
My hope is Jesus Christ and I will be joyful in Him. Although I come across things that don't always make me feel great, I'll be patient to hear God's voice through prayer. Communication really is key ain't it?

Ask and you shall receive!

It's easy to have a little joy, heck anyone can express a joyful attitude, but to express it in such a way that everyone around you praises God? That seems pretty impossible. Its a good thing that I have the Almighty God, who Can do the impossible, help me make this possible.

There is something about it that I can’t quite put my finger on it, but when I start playing, I feel amazing; it’s almost as if my spirit is tuning into God at a pretty close frequency and it’s a feeling that’s really indescribable.

Could it be that entering His presence is a lot like entering an environment that is hazardous to our bodies? It’s like, since our flesh is sinful, it cannot stand to be in His presence without feeling all sorts of weird things such as tingling sensations. Almost like, the body reacts violently. Almost like, our spirit is trying to emerge. I truly cannot imagine what it will feel like when I am standing in His presence. Will it be a tingling sensation? Will it be a disorienting sensation? Will it be a fuzzy sensation? I have no idea what I will feel but I can say this: when it comes to that day, whatever I feel, it will totally be out of this world; a feeling that will completely obliterate any prior experience that I have ever encountered.

Frustration is something that I know way too much about...but what astounds me is how I've changed my way of venting out this frustration, anger and stress. I still remember how I would hit walls, doors, myself and even go for a drive to just scream. I always felt a little better afterward, but my problems still lingered and I just dealt with them after my little rampage. Now, I've started noticing that instead of going off like some deranged nut, I talk to God about what is bothering me and let him know how angry I am or how stressed out I am. Obviously this is a much more healthy way of "venting", not to mention a much more satisfying one. I am beginning to get sweet revelations of what is really going on and how God is fixing it. I get so peaceful and gentle when I give God all my burdens and problems...I guess I never really learned that when I give Him my burdens, I no longer have to worry about them.

Each day that goes by, I find that more and more things are happening to just exhaust me physically and mentally. The strange thing is, each day that passes by, I react a little more peaceful to the problem or burden. Now I understand just how much I actually need God. I love you God. Let me just soak up Your Goodness and Grace.

No matter how much it may hurt or how difficult it may seem, we can always overcome with major help from a Savior. It feels that we come to a point where it's so terrible, that we can't even think about anything else except how much we need Jesus. It's something that I've gone through several times...and something I've forgotten several times. I really get annoyed when I think highly of myself by believing that I can go through these obstacles on my own; I don't really need a Savior because I can handle it. The fact is, I can't. I cannot handle such a difficult situation! I need help because I am WEAK and Christ is STRONG!

This world has given us a box that can hold a measurable amount of joy, love and peace. I invite you to toss that box down the garbage shoot and embrace the heavenly box that God provides for us which can hold an IMMEASURABLE amount of JOY, LOVE, PEACE and SO MUCH MORE!! There is so much more in the Lord than in the world. We were made to enjoy God and Love Him!

What if every sin I had committed was transformed to an ounce of added baggage on my person? I came to the conclusion that I would probably be feeling the way I felt laying down on the aircraft with so much excess weight just overpowering my movements. My sin would just take me down hard and keep me incapacitated. I would feel my arms being forced down by something. I would truly feel the weight of my sins. However, as I felt this weight upon me, I somehow felt like my burden was lifted off me entirely to the point where even the weight of my flesh was overwhelmed by the power of the person who lifted this burden from me. This was truly amazing because I was able to physically feel what happened when Christ took all my burdens away.

The One who paid my debt; the One who gave me life; the One who showed me Love; the One who is for me seems to be the one who always stays at a close distant because I don't want Him to walk beside me. I absolutely love walking next to people because it feels as though they have accepted me and I actually belong. How much more does Christ love it when I don't push Him away to a close distance. How much more does Christ love it when I ask Him to walk beside me. How much more does Christ love it when I want the whole world to see us together!

This concludes my blog and so I hope you got something from it!

Pabs