I've been wanting to write a blog for awhile now...but I just can't seem to write anything...nothing seems to come to mind...and the things that do come to mind are all gathered into a web of thoughts. I just can't seem to access one thought without having the others fall and overwhelm me. I guess I'm feeling a little discouraged right now. It seems so weird too because just this past weekend, I felt so encouraged...now its just...bleh. It's been like that all last week too...just a huge roller coaster of these little clouds of thoughts going up and down in my life.
I have been asking the Lord about gifts and such...what He has for me...I guess that has been encouraging me the most: knowing that God will fulfill His promises; He is faithful till the end. One gift I really love is creativeness. I just love art, dance, singing, theater, skits, spoken words and everything that falls into that category. I was so deep into worshiping God whenever I was practicing for the spoken word this past Sunday. It felt so great and marvelous to just worship God in such a powerful way. Of course, what God has made to give Him praise, the enemy will always try to pervert it. Any time I stage some type of performance, I always get worked up and become such a perfectionist that I will pretty much give myself so much disgust if I can't do something right. I could just hear satan just whisper in my ear, "You're not good enough to worship Him. Give up! You can't even memorize it. You can't do anything. You don't matter! You're worthless!" Thankfully, I combated his lies with Truth! I can worship the Almighty God through Him who sanctifies me and makes me holy! I do matter to Him! I am worth something!
Right now, I guess I can say I'm in a place where I just don't know what I want; a place of confusion and frustration. I really don't like being in that place because it justs brings more discouragement.
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Well, I guess I do know what I want. I want the Almighty God to comfort me, to satisfy me, to hold me, to touch my heart, to touch my mind, to make me whole, to sanctify me, to give me pleasure, to romance me, to rescue me, to dazzle me, to astound me, to revive me, to heal me, to reestablish my mind, to strike me with awe, to amaze me, to tickle me, to wrestle me, to play with me, to dine with me, to sleep with me, to share with me, to put His arm around me, to show me His face, to shower me with His presence, to take this burden off me, to pick me up, to throw me across the universe, to help me fly, to overcome, to mourn with me, to cry with me, to be passionate with me, to tear down walls, to break chains, to walk with me, to dance with me, to study with me, to hang out with me, to chill with me, to be in class with me, to read with me, to sing with me, to draw with me, to paint with me, to act with me, to smile with me, to be happy with me, to laugh with me, to fill me with His Spirit, to dream with me, to live with me, to reminisce with me, to love me, to Love me, To Love Me, TO LOVE ME!!! I WANT THE GREAT I AM TO LOVE ME DEARLY, LIKE NO ONE'S BUSINESS!!! THE CREATOR OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE, THE EARTH, THE PLANTS, THE ANIMALS, THE FUNGI, THE BACTERIA, THE VIRUSES, THE PROTISTS, THE AIR, THE STARS...WANTS TO KNOW THE NUMBER OF HAIRS ON MY HEAD?! THE BALLIN-EST INFINITE BEING WANTS TO SPEND ETERNITY WITH ME?!?!?! ITS SO RIDICULOUS!!! I CAN'T EVEN FATHOM HIS LOVE FOR ME!!!! NOT ITS HEIGHT, WIDTH, LENGTH OR DEPTH!!!! HE IS SO AMAZING THAT HE IS NOT AFFECTED BY TIME OR SPACE!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA HE LAUGHS!!!!! HE ABSOLUTELY LOVES LAUGHING I CAN IMAGINE!!!! GOD TAKE ME TO YOUR DWELLING PLACE AND LET ME JUST DANCE IN YOUR PRESENCE!!!!! I LOVE YOU DADDY!!!
So I guess you can say that God met me just now. Hahaha Love it!! Well I'm gonna go delight in the Lord right now! No one can satisfy me like El Elyon Na Adonai and I wouldn't have it any other way!
Pabs
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