Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Epic Win
So I get three dreams last night after writing a blog about it and after reading this little teaching of dream interpretations. However, the only thing I remember from them is the number 5, two different people and the feeling of being closed in/locked in an enclosed space. Ask and you shall receive!
My Brain is my Memory Foam
So lately I've been getting a lot of dreams. Most of which deal with me facing some type of serpent. At times it'll be a snake and other times it'll be a dragon or some mythical creature. I don't know but normally, a serpent represents satan nearly always. I really feel that God is trying to speak to me through dreams about my life concerning my past sins or sins that I might have done. Anyways, each dream I've had about a serpent usually had me either taming the creature or staring at it with fear. I think I've had at least four dreams about it since last week. Sadly, I only wrote down three of them and can barely remember the fourth. I could write them down, but there is too much to write. Nevertheless, I will most definitely ask the Lord to reveal more of my heart in my dreams.
Other than that, God's been teaching me more about patience and how I should wait on Him to make the best decision for my life. Strangely, I got this while reading about the different ways someone could be unclean from Leviticus. Usually, the person who came into contact with the unclean thing, whether it be a carcass, skin disease or mildew, will come to the high priest and get examined. Then a big cycle of deciding whether or not they're clean goes on and a decision is made depending on what goes on. While reading this, I begin to think, "Why not just toss out the unclean thing in the first place? Why do they have to go through meaningless examining? Just get it over with and move on". Then it hit me...when you have no clue whether or not something is good, having patience will most definitely confirm it. I mean, if I come across some situation where I can't know for sure that something will be good for my life without patience, then I could be tossing out something that could be "clean". Instead of waiting for God to reveal to me that "This is good" or "This is bad", my rash decisions could cost me big time. All I'm saying is that if I wait for God's response, then my life would be a whole lot smoother because He knows what is going down in the immediate future and even down the road of my life.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” (Romans 12:12)
My hope is Jesus Christ and I will be joyful in Him. Although I come across things that don't always make me feel great, I'll be patient to hear God's voice through prayer. Communication really is key ain't it? Haha
It is getting late and I should get to bed. I've been convicted about sleeping earlier lately. Here's some humor before I make like a tree and leaf...hahaha
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?
Have you heard about that online origami store? It folded
Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.
Alcohol and calculus don't mix so don't drink and derive.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
A friend told me he dug a hole in my backyard and filled it with water. I thought he meant well.
How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket.
Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can't hit the high seas.
Other than that, God's been teaching me more about patience and how I should wait on Him to make the best decision for my life. Strangely, I got this while reading about the different ways someone could be unclean from Leviticus. Usually, the person who came into contact with the unclean thing, whether it be a carcass, skin disease or mildew, will come to the high priest and get examined. Then a big cycle of deciding whether or not they're clean goes on and a decision is made depending on what goes on. While reading this, I begin to think, "Why not just toss out the unclean thing in the first place? Why do they have to go through meaningless examining? Just get it over with and move on". Then it hit me...when you have no clue whether or not something is good, having patience will most definitely confirm it. I mean, if I come across some situation where I can't know for sure that something will be good for my life without patience, then I could be tossing out something that could be "clean". Instead of waiting for God to reveal to me that "This is good" or "This is bad", my rash decisions could cost me big time. All I'm saying is that if I wait for God's response, then my life would be a whole lot smoother because He knows what is going down in the immediate future and even down the road of my life.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” (Romans 12:12)
My hope is Jesus Christ and I will be joyful in Him. Although I come across things that don't always make me feel great, I'll be patient to hear God's voice through prayer. Communication really is key ain't it? Haha
It is getting late and I should get to bed. I've been convicted about sleeping earlier lately. Here's some humor before I make like a tree and leaf...hahaha
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?
Have you heard about that online origami store? It folded
Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.
Alcohol and calculus don't mix so don't drink and derive.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
A friend told me he dug a hole in my backyard and filled it with water. I thought he meant well.
How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket.
Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can't hit the high seas.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Darkness Falls
"TRUE! nervous, very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why WILL you say that I am mad? The disease had sharpened my senses, not destroyed, not dulled them. Above all was the sense of hearing acute. I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell. How then am I mad? Hearken! and observe how healthily, how calmly, I can tell you the whole story."
"I was singularly at ease. They sat and while I answered cheerily, they chatted of familiar things. But, ere long, I felt myself getting pale and wished them gone. My head ached, and I fancied a ringing in my ears; but still they sat, and still chatted. The ringing became more distinct : I talked more freely to get rid of the feeling: but it continued and gained definitiveness -- until, at length, I found that the noise was NOT within my ears.No doubt I now grew VERY pale; but I talked more fluently, and with a heightened voice. Yet the sound increased -- and what could I do? It was A LOW, DULL, QUICK SOUND -- MUCH SUCH A SOUND AS A WATCH MAKES WHEN ENVELOPED IN COTTON."
-Edgar Allen Poe
For some odd reason I've decided to step into the past and draw out one of my favorite short stories from high school. I became really interested in prose and poetry because not only did they challenge me to understand what the author was saying, but they began to tell me who I was and what I was going through. I admit it, I was a very dark person before; I am aware of how dark I'm being right now, but I guess I have to be in the mood to describe myself at this time.
I feel that what Poe was thinking when he wrote this story is: we do things, think things and even believe certain things when we are alone. The narrator in the story was a servant to his master and had no motive for killing him, yet he did anyway. Why on earth would he kill him? Simply because he was alone. Day in and day out, I'm assuming, the servant was waiting on a blind, old man who could no longer take care of himself. He really had a lot of time to kill simply because all he did was do his servant duties and wait until his master called. During the time he had all to himself, I'm pretty sure he was extremely bored out of his mind and because of that boredom, he kills his master. He can't even come up with a good reason other than his eye which "resembled that of a vulture--a pale blue eye with a film over it". The guy even creepily starred at the old man every night at midnight for a couple of hours just to make sure it was the perfect time to kill him. So low and behold, he kills the guy, letting out a single cry, and buries him underneath the floor boards. So the guy is finally at ease; he is finally at rest until the officers pull in to have a chat. Surprisingly, the neighbors hear the scream and call the cops to go check it out. The murderer at this point is calm and not worrying because he hid the corpse well. He even invites the officers for a cup of Joe to relax. Everything is fine and dandy until the murderer hears the beating heart of the old man. It drives him insane I tell you. Almost instantly, he goes crazy and confesses to the officers, "dissemble no more! I admit the deed! -- tear up the planks! -- here, here! -- it is the beating of his hideous heart!". With this confession he will obviously go to jail and perhaps, if the time period is right, be hung.
Now why on earth am I trying to understand what was going through Poe's mind when he wrote this? I have no clue at the moment. In actuality, I felt so dark waking up at 5:30 this morning, that wanted to read Dickinson (FYI she is extremely creepy). However, in writing this, I was able to figure out that this can relate to the Christian life, or at least mine anyway. Whenever alone, I tend to dive into a struggle mode with sin. I have no desire in what it brings me, I just want to do it, I even go to the extent of making up an excuse as to why I should sin. I then hide that sin under the floors or whatever whenever people come into my life to see if I'm okay and to see if everything is alright. Of course, my sinful nature will lie and say everything is alright, but then as time goes by and my conviction arises, I then confess everything. It always takes a group of friends to drive out my confession and ask for prayer. Funny, the one thing I hated the most growing up is the thing that is helping me the most. I simply cannot express my gratitude for my Father, especially since He has given me a community that cares deeply for me. I can already feel my hatred for friendships dying more and more each week. It is something to work on; it will bring forth pain, but that is simply where healing begins.
Isn't it amazing how God can turn the utmost darkest intent into something that would give Him honor and glory? I love blogging/journaling.
"I was singularly at ease. They sat and while I answered cheerily, they chatted of familiar things. But, ere long, I felt myself getting pale and wished them gone. My head ached, and I fancied a ringing in my ears; but still they sat, and still chatted. The ringing became more distinct : I talked more freely to get rid of the feeling: but it continued and gained definitiveness -- until, at length, I found that the noise was NOT within my ears.No doubt I now grew VERY pale; but I talked more fluently, and with a heightened voice. Yet the sound increased -- and what could I do? It was A LOW, DULL, QUICK SOUND -- MUCH SUCH A SOUND AS A WATCH MAKES WHEN ENVELOPED IN COTTON."
-Edgar Allen Poe
For some odd reason I've decided to step into the past and draw out one of my favorite short stories from high school. I became really interested in prose and poetry because not only did they challenge me to understand what the author was saying, but they began to tell me who I was and what I was going through. I admit it, I was a very dark person before; I am aware of how dark I'm being right now, but I guess I have to be in the mood to describe myself at this time.
I feel that what Poe was thinking when he wrote this story is: we do things, think things and even believe certain things when we are alone. The narrator in the story was a servant to his master and had no motive for killing him, yet he did anyway. Why on earth would he kill him? Simply because he was alone. Day in and day out, I'm assuming, the servant was waiting on a blind, old man who could no longer take care of himself. He really had a lot of time to kill simply because all he did was do his servant duties and wait until his master called. During the time he had all to himself, I'm pretty sure he was extremely bored out of his mind and because of that boredom, he kills his master. He can't even come up with a good reason other than his eye which "resembled that of a vulture--a pale blue eye with a film over it". The guy even creepily starred at the old man every night at midnight for a couple of hours just to make sure it was the perfect time to kill him. So low and behold, he kills the guy, letting out a single cry, and buries him underneath the floor boards. So the guy is finally at ease; he is finally at rest until the officers pull in to have a chat. Surprisingly, the neighbors hear the scream and call the cops to go check it out. The murderer at this point is calm and not worrying because he hid the corpse well. He even invites the officers for a cup of Joe to relax. Everything is fine and dandy until the murderer hears the beating heart of the old man. It drives him insane I tell you. Almost instantly, he goes crazy and confesses to the officers, "dissemble no more! I admit the deed! -- tear up the planks! -- here, here! -- it is the beating of his hideous heart!". With this confession he will obviously go to jail and perhaps, if the time period is right, be hung.
Now why on earth am I trying to understand what was going through Poe's mind when he wrote this? I have no clue at the moment. In actuality, I felt so dark waking up at 5:30 this morning, that wanted to read Dickinson (FYI she is extremely creepy). However, in writing this, I was able to figure out that this can relate to the Christian life, or at least mine anyway. Whenever alone, I tend to dive into a struggle mode with sin. I have no desire in what it brings me, I just want to do it, I even go to the extent of making up an excuse as to why I should sin. I then hide that sin under the floors or whatever whenever people come into my life to see if I'm okay and to see if everything is alright. Of course, my sinful nature will lie and say everything is alright, but then as time goes by and my conviction arises, I then confess everything. It always takes a group of friends to drive out my confession and ask for prayer. Funny, the one thing I hated the most growing up is the thing that is helping me the most. I simply cannot express my gratitude for my Father, especially since He has given me a community that cares deeply for me. I can already feel my hatred for friendships dying more and more each week. It is something to work on; it will bring forth pain, but that is simply where healing begins.
Isn't it amazing how God can turn the utmost darkest intent into something that would give Him honor and glory? I love blogging/journaling.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Me 109 Cito
Howdy!
It has been awhile since I last posted something that has happened in my life. Anyways...A man and his son are in a car crash. The father is killed and the child is taken to hospital gravely injured. When he gets there, the surgeon says, 'I can't operate on this boy - for he is my son!!!' How can this possibly be?
I'm super upset that this past LG meeting was the last one of the semester! Although I can still see the ones that are here during the summer LG, I will miss those who leave home dearly. It has been a rough week for me, but definitely a lot of growth! Being released from some chains has put me in an extremely vulnerable state that allowed many of Satan's lies and condemnations to enter my life. I was starting to become bitter and out of nowhere, began to feel hatred towards some people. It was terrifying because these people are considered my really close friends, those that stick closer than a brother even, and I was having those awful feelings towards them. NOT COOL!! I totally bought into Satan's lies and began to let my imagination carry me and if you know me, then that is not good at all. Thankfully, during LG, I was blasted away by the Holy Spirit and God revealed to me that because my chains were being broken, because the scars on my heart were being healed, satan was not happy at all! Therefore, he has been trying to trick me into going back to who I was before this semester: bitter, angry, fake, depressed and a sense of hatred for everyone. This semester has been about healing my heart and the scars that were left by different events of my life; obviously, satan is going to try his hardest to ruin my life in every way possible simply because he hates me and wants to see me fall away from God and what God has for me. Silly satan, tricks aren't for me! I was reading Ephesians 4:21-24 and it was exactly what I needed to hear!
"Surely you heard of Him and were taught in Him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. you were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."
Isn't this just amazing! God transforms us into a new creation! We no longer have to live the same way anymore; we no longer have to feel the same way anymore; we no longer have to be depressed, angry, bitter, lonely, afraid, abandoned, fake, hateful and anything else that destroys our souls! I am a new creation in Christ Jesus! I have two analogies that fit this perfectly.
One is from this book I just finished by McManus and he states that we are all like caterpillars crawling around the world, knowing that there is a much better way to live. We, as people, are just crawling around the earth, doing our business and whatnot, yet we feel in our souls that there just has to be a better way to live. Once we find the Truth, which is Christ, we go through a metamorphosis in a cocoon; we are being prepared to take experience the world in a whole new way. Once we come to know Christ, we are being healed and made into a new form that in no way resembles the life we had before Christ. I mean, have you ever seen a caterpillar and a butterfly?! They are totally not the same at all!!!!!!! A caterpillar has a billion legs and is round, fat, slow and just looks pathetic; whereas, a butterfly has six legs, a smaller body, antennae and, as you may have guessed it, WINGS!!!! I mean, how do you go from wingless to having wings?!!? I really feel that as a follower of Jesus Christ, I have grown wings to embrace the world in a whole new way! I am no longer the same anymore! Although spending time deep in a cocoon and being healed has been painful, the end result is so much better! My worst day as a butterfly is so much better than the best day as a caterpillar!
The other analogy I came up with is life as a hermit crab. When a hermit crab gets to a certain size, then its natural instinct will be to find a new shell in which it can fit inside. Being a hermit crab, I was living miserably inside of that shell that could just not contain who I was. I was in need of something better, a new way to live. Thankfully, Jesus provided me a new shell in which I can live and grow in! He has provided exactly what my soul desires! Trying to go back to acting my old self is the same as rejecting the new shell in which I was given for the shell that could no longer hold me. My soul simply knew that something wasn't right. Why in the world would I ever go back to the shelled life that just didn't fit with my soul? I need to stay with what God provides me, for it will always be good!
Okay the butterfly analogy was so much better than my hermit crab one, but nevertheless, did the point get across?! Through Christ, WE ARE NEW CREATIONS!!! No longer do we have to be the same! God pulled us out of the chaos and closer to Him! WOW!! Isn't that just amazing?!?! God loves us so much that He would personally come down and just pull us out of the dark abyss in which we were born into and save us!! I'm so blown away by His Love, Grace, Mercy and Patience!! No one has ever cared about me more than Him and no one ever will! God is all I need because He will provide the rest! I just have to trust in Him!
So yea, my whole life in a shell right here! *laughter* As I get closer to the summer, I feel like my soul is dropping more and more broken chains that were once clinging on! I'm pretty sure that God will reveal even more to me and that He will continue to show me how much I need Him!
I want to learn more about You, God for I know absolutely nothing! Teach me, show me, astound me, shock me, dazzle me and amaze me of who You are! I love you Dad!
God Bless,
Pabs
P.S. The answer to the riddle if you haven't already figured it out:
The surgeon was the boy's mother! I know, it completely tripped me out to!
It has been awhile since I last posted something that has happened in my life. Anyways...A man and his son are in a car crash. The father is killed and the child is taken to hospital gravely injured. When he gets there, the surgeon says, 'I can't operate on this boy - for he is my son!!!' How can this possibly be?
I'm super upset that this past LG meeting was the last one of the semester! Although I can still see the ones that are here during the summer LG, I will miss those who leave home dearly. It has been a rough week for me, but definitely a lot of growth! Being released from some chains has put me in an extremely vulnerable state that allowed many of Satan's lies and condemnations to enter my life. I was starting to become bitter and out of nowhere, began to feel hatred towards some people. It was terrifying because these people are considered my really close friends, those that stick closer than a brother even, and I was having those awful feelings towards them. NOT COOL!! I totally bought into Satan's lies and began to let my imagination carry me and if you know me, then that is not good at all. Thankfully, during LG, I was blasted away by the Holy Spirit and God revealed to me that because my chains were being broken, because the scars on my heart were being healed, satan was not happy at all! Therefore, he has been trying to trick me into going back to who I was before this semester: bitter, angry, fake, depressed and a sense of hatred for everyone. This semester has been about healing my heart and the scars that were left by different events of my life; obviously, satan is going to try his hardest to ruin my life in every way possible simply because he hates me and wants to see me fall away from God and what God has for me. Silly satan, tricks aren't for me! I was reading Ephesians 4:21-24 and it was exactly what I needed to hear!
"Surely you heard of Him and were taught in Him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. you were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."
Isn't this just amazing! God transforms us into a new creation! We no longer have to live the same way anymore; we no longer have to feel the same way anymore; we no longer have to be depressed, angry, bitter, lonely, afraid, abandoned, fake, hateful and anything else that destroys our souls! I am a new creation in Christ Jesus! I have two analogies that fit this perfectly.
One is from this book I just finished by McManus and he states that we are all like caterpillars crawling around the world, knowing that there is a much better way to live. We, as people, are just crawling around the earth, doing our business and whatnot, yet we feel in our souls that there just has to be a better way to live. Once we find the Truth, which is Christ, we go through a metamorphosis in a cocoon; we are being prepared to take experience the world in a whole new way. Once we come to know Christ, we are being healed and made into a new form that in no way resembles the life we had before Christ. I mean, have you ever seen a caterpillar and a butterfly?! They are totally not the same at all!!!!!!! A caterpillar has a billion legs and is round, fat, slow and just looks pathetic; whereas, a butterfly has six legs, a smaller body, antennae and, as you may have guessed it, WINGS!!!! I mean, how do you go from wingless to having wings?!!? I really feel that as a follower of Jesus Christ, I have grown wings to embrace the world in a whole new way! I am no longer the same anymore! Although spending time deep in a cocoon and being healed has been painful, the end result is so much better! My worst day as a butterfly is so much better than the best day as a caterpillar!
The other analogy I came up with is life as a hermit crab. When a hermit crab gets to a certain size, then its natural instinct will be to find a new shell in which it can fit inside. Being a hermit crab, I was living miserably inside of that shell that could just not contain who I was. I was in need of something better, a new way to live. Thankfully, Jesus provided me a new shell in which I can live and grow in! He has provided exactly what my soul desires! Trying to go back to acting my old self is the same as rejecting the new shell in which I was given for the shell that could no longer hold me. My soul simply knew that something wasn't right. Why in the world would I ever go back to the shelled life that just didn't fit with my soul? I need to stay with what God provides me, for it will always be good!
Okay the butterfly analogy was so much better than my hermit crab one, but nevertheless, did the point get across?! Through Christ, WE ARE NEW CREATIONS!!! No longer do we have to be the same! God pulled us out of the chaos and closer to Him! WOW!! Isn't that just amazing?!?! God loves us so much that He would personally come down and just pull us out of the dark abyss in which we were born into and save us!! I'm so blown away by His Love, Grace, Mercy and Patience!! No one has ever cared about me more than Him and no one ever will! God is all I need because He will provide the rest! I just have to trust in Him!
So yea, my whole life in a shell right here! *laughter* As I get closer to the summer, I feel like my soul is dropping more and more broken chains that were once clinging on! I'm pretty sure that God will reveal even more to me and that He will continue to show me how much I need Him!
I want to learn more about You, God for I know absolutely nothing! Teach me, show me, astound me, shock me, dazzle me and amaze me of who You are! I love you Dad!
God Bless,
Pabs
P.S. The answer to the riddle if you haven't already figured it out:
The surgeon was the boy's mother! I know, it completely tripped me out to!
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