So I really want to blog about how God was able to break off a lot of fears in my life. It started with a really bad experience during the night and ended with victory!!
As usual, I'm hitting the hay around 10pm because I'm so exhausted and so I get ready for bed, drink some water and pass out within a few minutes. I don't feel like I dreamed anything too intense, but I woke up feeling like I missed our daily team meetings at 9am. I frantically check my watch and realize that its only 3am. Relieved I turn to fall back asleep when my roommate, Avery, tells me that for a minute, I screamed pretty loudly in my sleep. When he said that, I immediately freaked out and turned on my flashlight. For some reason, I just became super fearful to the point where I don't want to turn off my light. So we pray for a little bit, but I'm still stricken with fear.
Avery falls asleep and leaves me to my thoughts and flashlight. After about 15 minutes of trying to fall asleep, I eventually get into a state where I can't distinguish my dreams from reality. One minute I'm in my room with Avery sleeping in the bed next to mine, the next I'm laying on this bed that looks very similar to my room, but Avery is gone. I begin to try to wake up but I start to feel a pair of hands covering my eyes and mouth, preventing me from seeing or speaking. I even feel a hand grabbing onto my shirt and trying to drag me down onto the floor. I'm freaking out so much because I can't move, I can't see clearly and when I trying to scream or even speak, I can't. I begin to panic until I get the thought to scream Jesus to be free. After a minute of battling, I was finally able to say His name and wake up breathing heavily and full of fear.
I quickly wake up Avery to ask him to pray for me so I can go to sleep. Bear in mind that this entire time, I had my flashlight on because I was so paralyzed with fear and I feel like the Lord told me to trust Him and to turn off the light.
"WHAT?!! I CAN'T DO THAT!! YOU MUST BE JOKING!! THERE'S NO WAY I CAN TURN OFF MY LIGHT!!"
After realizing what I had said, I began to believe that I can trust in Him and so I turned off my light and within a few minutes I was asleep. However, the battle did not end there.
The dream sequence I had then was very weird. I kept travelling from place to place with the feeling that I was being chased. One minute, I'm in a house on the swamps in Louisiana, the next I'm on an oil tanker that looks like a cruise ship on the inside. While on the boat, there were thousands of people and they were all running around as if there was a terrorist on board so I'm running around with them because of this presence chasing me. I finally go into a room as everybody in there leaves and the only person I see is Tyler on the other side of the room. At once I tell him everything that was going on and he simply said, "Bro, you gotta cast that out". At once, I felt the great force push me towards him and immediately pull me back into this dark void.
It was at this time that I found what was chasing me: a demon.
This demon was a pretty large creature with red eyes and a figure of a Minotaur. I was extremely unbearable to look at, but I couldn't move because he had this huge sword shoved inside of me through my stomach. I took one last look at him and decided to take Tyler's advice. I shouted, "Go to Hell, satan!" at the top of lungs and immediately, the dream world I was in shattered and I woke up.
That was the most intense battle I have ever faced in my entire life and I was able to break free from it all because God said to trust in Him. Sometimes life feels like that: we're paralyzed with fear and can't seem to get out of it. In those times, God says to trust in Him and He will deliver us. He sees that we're relying on everything to help except Him: The Only One who can help at all.
Now, because God is so good, I'm free from so many fears that I once had about people. I can actually live in freedom...who would've guessed it?
Friday, June 24, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Completely Ruined by His Love
SO I have had one of the most life changing experiences ever and I still can't figure everything that happened with me. I just spent 2 weeks in a foreign country doing the will of the Father and what do I get out of it? a changed heart forever.
At the start of my mission trip to Gulu, Uganda, a team member came to me and gave me a word that God is still doing a work in me. At the time, I didn't realize what that exactly meant and what kind of work He would be doing, but I received it and believed it to be true. Now that I think back in retrospect, I see how true that word was and how much it has impacted me. I'm a changed man. I feel so anxious about going out and sharing the Love of God, of going out and advancing His kingdom and doing His will. I'm not satisfied by the things of this world like I used to be. I'm not satisfied just living an average american life or an average worldly life. I just want to live and operate in the kingdom and nothing else. I just want to spread the seed, harvest the fields and sow into the kingdom. Before, I would kid around with a friend of mine saying that I would join him in planting a church in Lubbock, Tx, but that was simply a joke for me. The reality was: I was stricken with fear because I didn't know how to do that. I didn't really want to bring so much pressure on myself. I didn't want to get away from the comfort of an established community. I didn't want to just leave my life behind because what would people say? what would my friends say? what would my family say? I became crippled at the thought of leaving a community and going into a strange territory and facing challenges all on my own. Of course, here I was saying that perfect love casts out all fear while I'm still clawing onto this one fear. However, once I saw true love in action, true love in the works, this fear just slipped out of my fingers and I finally felt free from it.
I told several friends that I feel envisioned, empowered and encouraged but to be honest, I'm not sure for what. I can definitely see myself starting something in College Station but what and how? All I know is that God is with me and He isn't going to push me into a new land without Him first going there to prepare a way.
I just want to do His will. I don't know how that will look like in the time to come, but I just know that with God, all things will be possible and nothing will be able to stop us!
Pabs
At the start of my mission trip to Gulu, Uganda, a team member came to me and gave me a word that God is still doing a work in me. At the time, I didn't realize what that exactly meant and what kind of work He would be doing, but I received it and believed it to be true. Now that I think back in retrospect, I see how true that word was and how much it has impacted me. I'm a changed man. I feel so anxious about going out and sharing the Love of God, of going out and advancing His kingdom and doing His will. I'm not satisfied by the things of this world like I used to be. I'm not satisfied just living an average american life or an average worldly life. I just want to live and operate in the kingdom and nothing else. I just want to spread the seed, harvest the fields and sow into the kingdom. Before, I would kid around with a friend of mine saying that I would join him in planting a church in Lubbock, Tx, but that was simply a joke for me. The reality was: I was stricken with fear because I didn't know how to do that. I didn't really want to bring so much pressure on myself. I didn't want to get away from the comfort of an established community. I didn't want to just leave my life behind because what would people say? what would my friends say? what would my family say? I became crippled at the thought of leaving a community and going into a strange territory and facing challenges all on my own. Of course, here I was saying that perfect love casts out all fear while I'm still clawing onto this one fear. However, once I saw true love in action, true love in the works, this fear just slipped out of my fingers and I finally felt free from it.
I told several friends that I feel envisioned, empowered and encouraged but to be honest, I'm not sure for what. I can definitely see myself starting something in College Station but what and how? All I know is that God is with me and He isn't going to push me into a new land without Him first going there to prepare a way.
I just want to do His will. I don't know how that will look like in the time to come, but I just know that with God, all things will be possible and nothing will be able to stop us!
Pabs
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